Revenge

My friend Ali is seeking revenge for her boyfriend's latest video blog (which he claims is revenge for this post from Ali). It is not to me to judge, only to suggest ways that repayment can be exacted. And oh, the web is rife with ideas for reprisals, retribution and getting even.

Let's start with the Revenge Lady. Drop her a line and she'll help you with your plight. Perhaps she's related to the Revenge Guy who offers these helpful tips:

Remember:
{} You can never take back revenge. Revenge is the final resting place for any interaction you may ever have with the person you have as your target. There is no going back.
{} When setting up revenge protect yourself first. Always, ALWAYS write down the events that happen to you that may require later revenge. Dates, times, people's names. You may need them for one thing or another.
{} Revenge is revenge. Revenge requires anonymity. If you're going to say "Ha ha, in your face!" or "I got you good!" you don't want revenge, go look to prank the person instead at some other website.
{} Revenge takes time. Revenge is best served cold. Revenge is a tough meat that needs to stew for a very long time before being it is ready to be served effectively. Of course, you could just 'MySpace' your husband's stalker.
{} Revenge knows their name. Got a bad neighbor? Want to share your story or their info with the world? Here is where you contribute. Post the info on this interactive map.

I do love the idea of posting bad neighbours on map. But this is not quite the blow I think Ali needs to strike.

George Hayduke offers Eleven Commandments of Revenge, among them bide your time, don't use your own phone and don't make threats (oops, too late for Ali). The commandments come via the Avenger who has some detailed plans for all kinds of plots, pranks and mayhem. Don't cross that guy. Nice Mr. Avenger, thank you for the ideas. Web Arc loves you and your friend RedBoxChiliPepper too.

Here are some of their ideas for revenge, cancel his credit cards:

There's an 800 number for just about every credit card out there that you can use to cancel your card if it's lost or stolen. Within a few minutes of calling this number, their credit cards will be useless. Just make up a story like, "Yeah, I'm on vacation here in Seattle and my whole wallet was stolen with my Mastercard in it. Could you cancel that before someone uses it?" Pretend to be really worried about having to pay for charges you didn't make and so on.

They might want some extra information like the name of the bank which issued your card. You can guess or tell them you have no idea. (Unless you actually know which bank it is.) The Mastercard dude will want your driver's license number or social security number sometimes, but tell him you don't know either one because your wallet was stolen, dammit!

I seriously doubt Bealsmon even has a credit card, but RBCP also suggests toying with his phone service. Now that would work; call his phone company and get his line password protected. Or have his mail forwarded to Thailand (what'll he do without Mommy's checks?)

There are a lot of services out there that you can pay to get payback for you. They'll send dead flowers or sell you the "ultimate revenge kit" (only $29.97 . If you're willing to lay out some dough, how about picking up a little "overwhelmingly stinky" Liquid Ass? (Haven't smelled it myself and god willing, I never will.)

Or how about putting a curse on him?

I notice an alarmingly large number of bands with revenge in their name, btw. She Wants Revenge, Montezuma's Revenge (seriously), Molly's Revenge Celtic Music, Sweet Revenge, Revenge and Priscilla's Revenge to name but a few. Put a few of them on your iPod and get inspired.

Over to you Ali. Can't wait to find out what you do.